cutting

to a lot of people those little horizontal cuts on someones arm scream "EMO!". they go along with the black hair in the eyes, the dark clothes and shopping at hot topic. its a stereotype, just something some people make fun of. "your such an emo" To most people those little cuts scream "avoid me". they go along with the nights crying and the hassle of having a friend who always needs to be taken care of, who always brings a bad mood to the party to most people they mean I'm broken beyond all repair. they mean I'm suicidal or I need a psychologist. they mean I should be in a hospital or on medication. they go along with thoughts of Prozac and mood modifiers. they mean I need help. but to some people those little cuts on my arm mean exactly what they mean to me. they conjure up memories of their own nights spent crying. of the times when they just needed to feel in control, like they had the say on one little thing. when they had to do something, anything other then just sit there. they conjure up memories of days spent avoiding friends who mean well but don't understand. they mean that I feel the same way they do. these people aren't the ones who see the cuts and freak, tell my mum and send me straight to the therapy. they aren't the ones who ignore it and joke later about how I'm such an emo. they aren't the ones who give me the lecture and make me promise "never ever again". they're the ones who know how I feel. and that makes all the difference.

net neutrality

first off let me say YES. OVERWHELMINGLY YES! you cannot possibly have a world in which the main form of media is as fucked up as people want to make it.
net neutrality is basically what allows people to have complete access to the internet and which allows places like youtube to exist and flurish when and allows small time people with big opinions to share them and make their living through this wonderful invention we have called the world wide web. the internet is an incredible ivention and I'm not saying that should stay the same here because what the internet does by its very nature is change. what I'm saying is that it shouldn't change in this way. the people who opose net neutrality are big buisnesses that want to make lots of money by CHARGING YOU FOR VISITING WEBSITES. thats right you will have to pay on a by webiste basis when they can charge you more for using one site then for using another based on deals they make with the people who run the sites. this will make it impossible for people to start small time buisnesses on the internet and make it impossible for the internet to grow and change as it naturaly does. the oposers of net neutrality are attempting to destroy something very near and dear to me and, I think, you as well. freedom on the internet is something many people, myself included are willing to fight for. I for one will not stand for this it takes away from what so many web based comunities stand for which is equality. on sites like youtube and twitter people can have their opinions heard regardless of who they are and how much money they have. right now everyone on the internet is equal and has an equal right to be heard if we do not have net neutrality that goes away and the day that happens well it's  sad day for blogers every where. they day that happens every youtube star and "internet celebrety" will hang their head and cry because the comunities like nerdfighteria and the pogobat tribe will be for nothing if people cannot be equal in this all encompassing, connnecting wonder we call the internet

yup

yeah, hi. so I've decided to write a novel. I decided this along with about 50 billion other people on November first or well I didn't decide it then but I started it then. the phenomenon that bought about my undertaking this huge endeavor is known as nanowrimo. National Novel Writing Month. as you would guess by the title the point is not only to write a novel but to write a novel in and just wait for it a month. one month 50000 words. and thats allot of words. I mean ALLOT of words. so I'm actually here procrastinating working on my book (which is called An Altered State in case anyone was interested) because I should really be writing that right now. If anyone wants to read it (checks options) I will aparently not be attaching the file but instead posting a sample in this blog. Yay!


The water was pleasantly cool as she swam through it. Its deep blues relaxed her and she could feel the way it moved across her skin making her feel soft and smooth. She felt weightless and magical as she flipped and dived beneath the surface of the water. From up above the water looked mearly blue but from underneath the waves you can see all the colors of the rainbow reflected in the glittering liquid. It was filled with streaks or red sunrise and black velvet night. Shiver chased the last star to the horizon line and flowed over the edge with the water, down a great waterfall and into a pool at the bottom full of lost nights and pieces of the moon.
She sat on a warm rock on the top of a cliff watching the end of the sunset combing her long hair. The wind whistled and blew around mountains and bluffs taking leaves and autum colors with it. The reds, golds and browns of the fall were swept away with the wind to a far away land where they waited for another year to pass. When the color was blown away the bluffs lost there orangy hue and the sun rose on a black and white world coated in cold frost and fluffy white snow. The wind picked that up and dashed it agains rocks. it grew from a breeze in to a gale as it picked up more snow and ice to fling across the sky. Shiver still sat combing her hair, a perfect picture of color and warmth. The fall had never left her and yet the spring was in her eyes. Her rosy cheeks bright pink from the cold stood out in a land of black and white. Her glistening eyes and warm slow smile radiated heat in a freezing season.

I have decided to write this book because writing makes me happy. I think it makes allot of people happy and unlike  many things that make people happy like eating to much chocolate or spending all day watching tv Its also good for me. so I advise anyone reading this to (although I think its to late to join nannowrimo and youd be dreadfully behind anyway) to write as much as possible. just write anything that comes to mind. even if it sucks I guarantee that if you put aside your inner editor and pull out that little spark of writer you'll have a blast.

busy busy busy

I am busy. always always busy.  I am going to get up early tomorow to get ready for my day. I am going to go to school, panic, try to find a seat, watch people's presentations until noon, go to the lounge/lobby thingy, go on the freshman "social outing" with the rest of my class, eat food, get back to school, immediately head home to go to a role-play group to play a tabletop RPG called F%F that my friend invented until around ten. then I will go home go to sleep and wake up early the next morning in order to get ready and super fancied up for MY big presentation, then go to school, give said presentation, go home (with my boyfriend Michael :D <3) go shopping for elf ears and add wooden toggles to my costumes so I can wear it the next day at my schools Halloween part for which I am organizing the building of a scarecrow to enter into the competition. then I go to my friend Kelley's house to hang out for a while before going home and going to sleep. the next day I go to a murder mystery Halloween part that me and my friend Hannah organized. the next day is Halloween with all of its complicated planning and picking up people and trying on my costume "just one more time". the next day I'm back at school and have track untill five thirty meaning I'm not home till after six. by then I'm sure my tuesday will be filled with some important thing or another that needs to be done but right now I'm going to be done and I'm thinking of joining nanowrimo so that will be filling all my spare time next month. what should I write? I don't know yet. I am going to go to sleep now. good night. <3

MATH.

MATH. all capitals, bold print. for some of us its easy for some of us it's hard and for some of us its a living hell. me personally I've never liked math but I'm gonna tell you now if your an English/art person then geometry is the math for you. I'm not going to say it's easy or that it's fun but, it's easy and fun. if you have a basic understanding of how things function visually and are willing to accept absolutes without over thinking them than its ridiculously easy to follow and if you like writing and art then the actual problems are fun to complete. the problems that I'm assigned involve writing paragraphs about how something is done and drawing an example to make it easier to follow. I think I'm in love with this class it's just brilliant. it's helped me with my drawing skills as well and as soon as I can get my scanner working (if I can get it working) I'll start to post my art work here. It's not like it's fantastic art or anything but I like to draw and I frequently will draw visual companions to my poetry or stories (which I also intend to post here) and it's nice if I can put everything in one place. so this went a little off topic the point is that  math doesn't suck. for any kids out there stuck in arithmetic or for highschool artists failing math because they never show up or don't pay attention I'm gonna let you know that if you focus for a bit and pull though it gets really fun!

falling

following is a poem thingy thing that i wrote today in science class. it's about suicide and how I feel about life sometimes. I always seem to be falling and pulling up just in time. to make a few things clear here I do not support suicide this is just a creative writing with layers of symbolism. second I'm not some genius author I'm just a highschool kid who doesn't know the first thing about poetry so its just writen down the way i sounds to me not in accordance with any rules of poetry grammar there may be.

in my life I have dicovered that one of the best ways to be happy is to put your anger and depression somewhere else so here's mine I thought someone might want to see it and if they don't then they probably left before finishing the first paragraph anyway so here goes nothing, I hope you enjoy it.

falling 
farther and farther
closer and closer
useless wings hang by my side
I could fly
I should fly
but I can't
I'm tired and its hard to fly
hard to soar hard to reach the stars
it takes tremendous strength
strength I don't have

so I let myself fall

people say they would be so free – if only they had wings
but sometimes I wish that I didn't
because my freedom is holding me back more than anything
faced with the freedom I have to make the right choice
constrained I need not face that reality

I can't fly any more
I can't even glide
I'm falling
falling straight own like a bullet
plummeting towards the earth
and no one knows, that the next time I reach the ground
I might not pull up
I might hit
and let the pain envelope me
dragging me farther and farther down untill I don't care anymore that my wings have been ripped from my body
untill I don't care that there are people watching
the same people who were once so far below me when i could fly are now higher than I could ever reach
then I could ever climb
and the beauty is: I don't care
why should I care what these people think
they don't understand me
all they see is another charity case
another lost little girl that flew to close to the sun and got burned

I'm small and alone.
deep down in the dark where I'm all by myself
bruised and bloody, wingless, confused and lost,
I wonder through this laberynth of human existance
I don't belong here! I don't belong in this pit of misery and pain 
I belong in the sky!
I'm better than these pathetic people, to tired and weak to even move!
I have wings, I can fly! god dammit I can FLY!
I CAN FLY!

but I can't

I rage against myself
and against my world
as I realize that I am no better than the lowest scum
I look down at myself and where my robes and slippers should be there are nothing but rags
filthy grey and brown they disguest me
I tear them from my body as I scream and beat on the walls of my small rubber room
in the dark
alone
in an empty world inside my head
I call for help but no one can hear me
no matter how loud I scream and beat against the walls the restrain me with in this prison of a mind
someday I will escape
someday I will be free
someday those wings I took for granted so long ago will once again be mine

and I will fly
I will soar again over the sky and out of this hell hole
I will touch the stars
and brush the cold edges of our world where the air is replaced with emptyness
but with the freedom to fly comes the freedom to fall
and although right now I've locked myself away in that little room inside my head
someday I'll get my wings back and fly as high as I can can go
and then I won't be able to resist
I'll let go
and fall
and fall
and fall
always downwards 
untill the ground reaches up and swallows me whole
until its to late to change my mind 
until my fate is sealed
and then
I'll hit
and with a force strong enough to shake the world
it will end

getting started

Hi, I'm Firekeeper and I've recently decided to start blogging about things I feel opinionated about,  so I just sort of poked around on the internet till I found something useful looking and took a shot at it. I'm going to be writing about anything and everything that effects me personally so there won't be a real theme to this blog just me talking. I'm busy allot so this thing isn't going to get updated everyday but I'm going to try to update it fairly frequently. Before I go off talking about any big issues I just wanted to say hi to anyone who stumbled across this blog and just let you all know that I'm hoping you read what I post because I'm really gonna put some work into it. <3