falling

following is a poem thingy thing that i wrote today in science class. it's about suicide and how I feel about life sometimes. I always seem to be falling and pulling up just in time. to make a few things clear here I do not support suicide this is just a creative writing with layers of symbolism. second I'm not some genius author I'm just a highschool kid who doesn't know the first thing about poetry so its just writen down the way i sounds to me not in accordance with any rules of poetry grammar there may be.

in my life I have dicovered that one of the best ways to be happy is to put your anger and depression somewhere else so here's mine I thought someone might want to see it and if they don't then they probably left before finishing the first paragraph anyway so here goes nothing, I hope you enjoy it.

falling 
farther and farther
closer and closer
useless wings hang by my side
I could fly
I should fly
but I can't
I'm tired and its hard to fly
hard to soar hard to reach the stars
it takes tremendous strength
strength I don't have

so I let myself fall

people say they would be so free – if only they had wings
but sometimes I wish that I didn't
because my freedom is holding me back more than anything
faced with the freedom I have to make the right choice
constrained I need not face that reality

I can't fly any more
I can't even glide
I'm falling
falling straight own like a bullet
plummeting towards the earth
and no one knows, that the next time I reach the ground
I might not pull up
I might hit
and let the pain envelope me
dragging me farther and farther down untill I don't care anymore that my wings have been ripped from my body
untill I don't care that there are people watching
the same people who were once so far below me when i could fly are now higher than I could ever reach
then I could ever climb
and the beauty is: I don't care
why should I care what these people think
they don't understand me
all they see is another charity case
another lost little girl that flew to close to the sun and got burned

I'm small and alone.
deep down in the dark where I'm all by myself
bruised and bloody, wingless, confused and lost,
I wonder through this laberynth of human existance
I don't belong here! I don't belong in this pit of misery and pain 
I belong in the sky!
I'm better than these pathetic people, to tired and weak to even move!
I have wings, I can fly! god dammit I can FLY!
I CAN FLY!

but I can't

I rage against myself
and against my world
as I realize that I am no better than the lowest scum
I look down at myself and where my robes and slippers should be there are nothing but rags
filthy grey and brown they disguest me
I tear them from my body as I scream and beat on the walls of my small rubber room
in the dark
alone
in an empty world inside my head
I call for help but no one can hear me
no matter how loud I scream and beat against the walls the restrain me with in this prison of a mind
someday I will escape
someday I will be free
someday those wings I took for granted so long ago will once again be mine

and I will fly
I will soar again over the sky and out of this hell hole
I will touch the stars
and brush the cold edges of our world where the air is replaced with emptyness
but with the freedom to fly comes the freedom to fall
and although right now I've locked myself away in that little room inside my head
someday I'll get my wings back and fly as high as I can can go
and then I won't be able to resist
I'll let go
and fall
and fall
and fall
always downwards 
untill the ground reaches up and swallows me whole
until its to late to change my mind 
until my fate is sealed
and then
I'll hit
and with a force strong enough to shake the world
it will end