busy busy busy

I am busy. always always busy.  I am going to get up early tomorow to get ready for my day. I am going to go to school, panic, try to find a seat, watch people's presentations until noon, go to the lounge/lobby thingy, go on the freshman "social outing" with the rest of my class, eat food, get back to school, immediately head home to go to a role-play group to play a tabletop RPG called F%F that my friend invented until around ten. then I will go home go to sleep and wake up early the next morning in order to get ready and super fancied up for MY big presentation, then go to school, give said presentation, go home (with my boyfriend Michael :D <3) go shopping for elf ears and add wooden toggles to my costumes so I can wear it the next day at my schools Halloween part for which I am organizing the building of a scarecrow to enter into the competition. then I go to my friend Kelley's house to hang out for a while before going home and going to sleep. the next day I go to a murder mystery Halloween part that me and my friend Hannah organized. the next day is Halloween with all of its complicated planning and picking up people and trying on my costume "just one more time". the next day I'm back at school and have track untill five thirty meaning I'm not home till after six. by then I'm sure my tuesday will be filled with some important thing or another that needs to be done but right now I'm going to be done and I'm thinking of joining nanowrimo so that will be filling all my spare time next month. what should I write? I don't know yet. I am going to go to sleep now. good night. <3

MATH.

MATH. all capitals, bold print. for some of us its easy for some of us it's hard and for some of us its a living hell. me personally I've never liked math but I'm gonna tell you now if your an English/art person then geometry is the math for you. I'm not going to say it's easy or that it's fun but, it's easy and fun. if you have a basic understanding of how things function visually and are willing to accept absolutes without over thinking them than its ridiculously easy to follow and if you like writing and art then the actual problems are fun to complete. the problems that I'm assigned involve writing paragraphs about how something is done and drawing an example to make it easier to follow. I think I'm in love with this class it's just brilliant. it's helped me with my drawing skills as well and as soon as I can get my scanner working (if I can get it working) I'll start to post my art work here. It's not like it's fantastic art or anything but I like to draw and I frequently will draw visual companions to my poetry or stories (which I also intend to post here) and it's nice if I can put everything in one place. so this went a little off topic the point is that  math doesn't suck. for any kids out there stuck in arithmetic or for highschool artists failing math because they never show up or don't pay attention I'm gonna let you know that if you focus for a bit and pull though it gets really fun!

falling

following is a poem thingy thing that i wrote today in science class. it's about suicide and how I feel about life sometimes. I always seem to be falling and pulling up just in time. to make a few things clear here I do not support suicide this is just a creative writing with layers of symbolism. second I'm not some genius author I'm just a highschool kid who doesn't know the first thing about poetry so its just writen down the way i sounds to me not in accordance with any rules of poetry grammar there may be.

in my life I have dicovered that one of the best ways to be happy is to put your anger and depression somewhere else so here's mine I thought someone might want to see it and if they don't then they probably left before finishing the first paragraph anyway so here goes nothing, I hope you enjoy it.

falling 
farther and farther
closer and closer
useless wings hang by my side
I could fly
I should fly
but I can't
I'm tired and its hard to fly
hard to soar hard to reach the stars
it takes tremendous strength
strength I don't have

so I let myself fall

people say they would be so free – if only they had wings
but sometimes I wish that I didn't
because my freedom is holding me back more than anything
faced with the freedom I have to make the right choice
constrained I need not face that reality

I can't fly any more
I can't even glide
I'm falling
falling straight own like a bullet
plummeting towards the earth
and no one knows, that the next time I reach the ground
I might not pull up
I might hit
and let the pain envelope me
dragging me farther and farther down untill I don't care anymore that my wings have been ripped from my body
untill I don't care that there are people watching
the same people who were once so far below me when i could fly are now higher than I could ever reach
then I could ever climb
and the beauty is: I don't care
why should I care what these people think
they don't understand me
all they see is another charity case
another lost little girl that flew to close to the sun and got burned

I'm small and alone.
deep down in the dark where I'm all by myself
bruised and bloody, wingless, confused and lost,
I wonder through this laberynth of human existance
I don't belong here! I don't belong in this pit of misery and pain 
I belong in the sky!
I'm better than these pathetic people, to tired and weak to even move!
I have wings, I can fly! god dammit I can FLY!
I CAN FLY!

but I can't

I rage against myself
and against my world
as I realize that I am no better than the lowest scum
I look down at myself and where my robes and slippers should be there are nothing but rags
filthy grey and brown they disguest me
I tear them from my body as I scream and beat on the walls of my small rubber room
in the dark
alone
in an empty world inside my head
I call for help but no one can hear me
no matter how loud I scream and beat against the walls the restrain me with in this prison of a mind
someday I will escape
someday I will be free
someday those wings I took for granted so long ago will once again be mine

and I will fly
I will soar again over the sky and out of this hell hole
I will touch the stars
and brush the cold edges of our world where the air is replaced with emptyness
but with the freedom to fly comes the freedom to fall
and although right now I've locked myself away in that little room inside my head
someday I'll get my wings back and fly as high as I can can go
and then I won't be able to resist
I'll let go
and fall
and fall
and fall
always downwards 
untill the ground reaches up and swallows me whole
until its to late to change my mind 
until my fate is sealed
and then
I'll hit
and with a force strong enough to shake the world
it will end

getting started

Hi, I'm Firekeeper and I've recently decided to start blogging about things I feel opinionated about,  so I just sort of poked around on the internet till I found something useful looking and took a shot at it. I'm going to be writing about anything and everything that effects me personally so there won't be a real theme to this blog just me talking. I'm busy allot so this thing isn't going to get updated everyday but I'm going to try to update it fairly frequently. Before I go off talking about any big issues I just wanted to say hi to anyone who stumbled across this blog and just let you all know that I'm hoping you read what I post because I'm really gonna put some work into it. <3